Spiritual Splits

10/2/24

A poem about a collage of experiences from Christian teenagers battling the temptations of living in a fallen world.

Feeling torn in two,

playing Pangea

with Lily Pads:

the kingdom of God

vs the mud of the flood

under my feet.

One thing I look forward to—

dangling my toes

over a lazy lake

sitting on a deck

next to Jesus

whose toes

swing a li’l lower than mine

parting waters below,

bending the fabric of space-time.

Too much mercury in my blood.

A doctor once told me

the last time he’s seen

heavy metals like those

was at a rock concert

in a psych ward.

What am I working toward?

There’s a button in my brain

that gets stuck

when I think of dark stuff

like suicide and porn.

You’d think I’d know better.

I’m a Christian re-born

with my own personal superhero

whose superpower is flying into my brain,

freeing neurons of hope

to keep me from going insane.

Darkness is raw inertia.

A Black Hole of seduction.

BuzzBallz before class.

Flavored vapes in the bathroom,

self-medicating with nic and grass.

Dancing girls with Daddy issues in my bed.

And intrusive thoughts like percussions in my head

that used to scare me.

I’ve lived with them for so long

I’m confusing love for hate,

freedom for sticky-buttons,

and being on time for chronically being late.

The best way to get unstuck

is to learn to hate,

punch, push and shove,

the faces in the dark

I’ve grown to love.

 

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Mariann
Mariann
5 months ago

Awesome.

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